To The Next Level
by HeroineCruor
Summary: ...but what exactly is the next level? Nobody quite knows. Sonic/fem!Shadow. Rated M for insanity, and maybe lemon, depending on how gutterminded you are...I say read and find out!


**A/N:**

 **Yay, I've finally written a weird Sonic fanfic! My dream has come true! *dances ridiculously***

 **I was unsure if I should put this as a T-rating or M-rating at first, but I realized there were way too many 'Mature' references, so I went with the M.**

 **So...here we are. If you want to ask questions related to where I've been lately, look at my profile later as soon as I have updated it.**

 **Like description said, this fanfic is the insanest of insanities. Read enders note for further info, because...I think it's funnier to just start this fanfic off cluelessly. Too bad I can't see your reaction :P**

* * *

Sonic was sitting and doing his business at his kitchen table, which was usually running, but the kitchen table was a too small a space to run on, so he was doing the next best thing...eating chili dogs. And running. What? Nobody said you can't do both. Except maybe party pooping parents, but they are not here to take a crap on the fun. He had covered his kitchen with cat litter for that reason.

*cough* At any rate, there was suddenly an aggressive knock on the door! By aggressive knock, he meant that it sounded like somebody outside was being chased by a psychopath and was knocking away for their life, almost as if to scream to be let in. But since he was faster than anything alive, he didn't jump in surprise; he simply went over and opened the door, confused still because it was 10 PM and only people like Shadow would be up at that hour.

Wait...

He opened the door and his eyes widened. It... _was_ Shadow?! Why would he be here? He hated his guts! Especially with rosemary.

And...after a second look, "he" was the wrong word to use here, because "he" looked very feminine. Almost as if he was a girl; "he" had soft curves, the spikes didn't look as sharp, and "his" hips were wider. Not to mention "his" breasts, neatly incasing "his" chest fur, and growing a bit over them. Also, since it had apparently been raining, droplets of water found their paths down "his" spikes, downing it, as they did down "his" face, making him look more vulnerable than threatening, perhaps as if "he" had stepped out of a hot shower.

Shadow looked...hot?

"Faker", he- okay let's stop using that word, she spoke as a greeting, and hot damn, looked like she was Afrodite's long lost twin or something, if she had been part hedgehog. Holy crap. And her voice was furthest from the male Shadow she had, although it was still relatively deep, like a mix between a bass drum and Jessica Rabbit.

Sonic, tranced, impolitely stared down the other hedgehog's huge girly torso, flabbergasted. His jaw must be more open than Miley Cyrus' legs.

That fur was really something. Why not sell it at a market? It would be worth a fortune! Too bad it was growing too close to those disgusting bre-

"Are you done staring, you masher?" Shadow asked indifferently and covered herself up. Sonic's face must have turned to color of Shadow's stripes as he looked back up. And maybe it was just him, but the colors on Shadow's cheeks seemed darker too. Like, always. As if someone had put rouge on them. Heh. Rouge.

"Shads...what's with the get-up?" Even with the gender reversal, it was no doubt in his mind that when his black rival coldly glared at him, it could impossibly be anybody else than Shadow.

"I will tell you if you let me in first, jackass." The blue blur instantly backed away to give way, to which Shadow, secretly thankfully, walked. Her hips were swaying a bit, which I guess is an automatic must-do for all hot females for some reason. As she went, Sonic stared downards her end and noticed that she had a nice, big...

Wagging tail. It swishes on and about, giving away Shadow's true emotions of satisfaction, and it looked enticing as it moved frenetically.

As Sonic followed after in tow, he walked in the slowest way imaginable for him, just to have an excuse to look at the tailbone's jewel of his rival's backside.

'Damn, dat tail.' He thought admiringly and bit his lip. If just her butt wasn't so freaking big, he could see it more clearl-

He stopped staring immediately when Shadow shot back a sinister look at him, most likely saying: "I will chaos control you to oblivion if you don't stop staring", that is, if Shadow had noticed him ogling at all. Otherwise that look would probably be saying: "I love rainbows and puppies!"...You had to master the Shadow body language if you were going to notice the more subtle expressions, and Sonic was merely a novice, taking weekly lessons from people like Rouge or somebody else.

Shadow grunted, took a seat on the living room couch, and flopped her feet up on the table, which could now be acknowledged to have taller heels than normal. For whatever reason Shadow was here, Sonic was certain of one thing; she didn't like it. Actually, a second thing too; she was hot. And a third thing; she was hot.

A fourth; it was killing him, because he didn't own a fan.

"I see my looks have certain...efficiencies." Sonic could decode a smirk on the other's face. His lessons had paid off a little, at least. "Since I will be staying here overnight", that with a "will" and not a "could", "I'll grant you some exposition. See, when my chaos power has run out, or my rings have run out of batteries, so does...other things." Shee bit her lip uncomfortably, averting her eyes to be looking at the windowsill. "That's because...I was created with the basic anatomy of a female. It was easier that way, due to DNA mumbojumbo. The reason I'm most of the time male, however, is to protect myself from unwanted advances." She arched her petite lifeform like bending a pipe as she stretched, and the blue hedgehog wasn't surprised one bit why men would. That didn't mean he himself would. He was a gentleman and a hedgehog. A gentlehog. He wouldn't touch her fur or tail unless he had her permission, not that he would ever have it. He sighed mentally.

"By the way, my real name is Shadowalanticaniana G. Bananahammockarse, but Shadow is fine." Sonic bit his lip to keep himself from laughing mad. 'GAHAHAHAHA!' His inner self laughed, 'A G?! What did it stand for? Good?!' His face color must be that of the first color of France's flag, that hard he kept his laughter in.

Suddenly, Shadow stood up, walked up to him to stand in front of him. Upon collecting himself enough, wiping a tear from his face, his smile died faster than his speed to max when he took notice of their proximity. He was further weirded out when an uncharacteristic smile graced her face, and then he felt like a mental goner when his hand was taken.

Then she suddenly giggled. It was beyond comprehension. What did it mean?! "I want sanctuary"? "I farted"? Just...arghh! He wished he was an A-grader.

"You know..." She smiled shyly, looking down and fiddling with his glove, "We can further this discussion...somewhere else." Sonic sensed a "nudge, nudge, wink, wink" here. Then he felt pulled by her surprising strength.

"Let's move to the bedroom." She purred, and the male was none the wiser to the connotations. It was when she opened the door to said room, crawled herself on top of the bed slowly, tail wiggling, and looking back with a suggestive smile, that it clicked into place for him. She turned to face him body wise and laid herself back on the sheets, vulnerable as a nestling. Sonic felt his stomach itch which would then lead to feelings of jitters.

"Sh-Shadow", he squeaked, her tilting her head innocently with shining eyes, "D-do you want..." he was too embarrassed to finish.

"Yes", she smiled warmly, twirling a spike around her finger, her fur-coated chest heaving.

...then she flopped back onto the bed, giving a spent, breathless sigh.

"I'm bummed out. I really needed a comfy bed like this. Thanks. Good night." And with that, she pulled a blanket over herself and fell asleep right the next second.

The blue hedgehog felt as though he had been kicked in the stomach and then kicked in the butt and then kicked in the stomach again, this time with brick-laden boxing gloves. It escalated into slight irritation afterwards.

'Huh? So she did _not_ want to play Scrabble after all? Manipulative hedgie.' However, he decided that he wasn't as alert as he thought either, so he laid down on the bed next to Shadow (although a good distance, because he wasn't in the mood for Shadow's fits), and soon joined his rival on the trip to dreaming wonderland...which was actually sleeping, s-l-e-e...oh you knew? I wasn't underestimating your intelligence at all nope nu-uh. (Cough. The reason I was underestimating you was because you clicked this fanfic. The author's name should have been a hint :P)

Back on topic. Heheh top...on top...ANYWAY! At around 2 AM Shadow woke up because she did. Ok, there was a reason. She dreamt she was being roasted on a grill along with a sausage when it suddenly started hugging her. It felt too real, ergo, soon her subconscious reacted, and woke up.

Upon finding the culprit to the hugging fairly quickly, Shadow's cheeks got a shade redder than Joseph Stalin's underpants. See, when you were both sleeping, you moved around and stuff. So naturally, Sonic had moved around and stuff. Which all lead to Shadow's horrible rival lacing his arms around her, his head resting on the furry mane on her chest, hugging as if death would be the consequence of letting go...or something. I dunno what I'm saying, I'm just quoting Nicholas Sparks-esque literature.

What was worst about this whole situation was that...*gasp* Shadow _liked_ it! She really, really liked being close to someone else like this...'it was comfier, cheaper and warmer! Peh, who needs beds? Order your living pillow now!' Inner Shadow thought and held a sign saying '50% off!'

Her thoughts got interrupted when his hold tightened and hearing his comfortable sigh, as a reminder who was hugging her. Then it hit her, and she gritted her cute fangs. 'Sonic, that bastard, is hugging me! _Me!_ Shadowalanticaniana G. Bananahammockarse the hedgehog! Who would tell everyone except Maria to fuck off with their hugs! Why did I feel like I would rather tell Maria to fuck off with a hug than have Sonic letting go of my ultimate form? This was so confusing! My inner sexy goddess couldn't comprehend this monstrosity, but my subconscious was doing her dance in a bright red hula skirt!...Wait, where was I going with this?' Shadow frantically thought, but just couldn't reach a conclusion no matter how hard she tried.

'Enough is enough! I'm sick of this stupid cuddling in this stupid bed!' The black hedgehog thought as she attempted to crouch over him, to get away from his slimy embrace. Unfortunately, it was a bit dark, darker than Pol Pot's hair color, so when she thought she was going to put her knee on the matress, it instead wound up on...well, you know. Sonic's yell in pain should say enough.

"OUCH!" Sonic took hold of his you-know-what-area, not that it helped to soothe it faster. Shadow considered being apologetic but decided ultimately that Sonic was the ass and not her, because he is. She said so. So it's true.

"Serves you right! Now, don't you dare come near me again!" Her cute girly yet womanly voice reached Sonic's ears, as she hit her fists down on his chest. Sonic remembered the white fur he had been so enticed of earlier that evening as her chest was heaving from anger. And when you remember one particular thing that cast a spell on you, you also remember associations that came at the time; the tail. If anything, he could think of little else as Shadow was yelling at him to hell and back, even when the voice of hers was reaching max decibel.

'That fur...I just...I just have to SHAVE IT." Was Sonic's criminal thought and flipped them so Shadow was at the bottom, arms pinned next to her. This only caused more atom bomb explosions, blitzkrieg and protests. That is, until she looked up at him.

There was an unreadable look on his stupid, normally smug mule of a jackass that, for some reason, made Shadow weak in her knees, and for the first time in her life she thought that this was one battle with her rival that she wasn't going to win. There was a steel grip, and she arched her back, gasping at the sudden lack of air her mental fatigue was causing. There was something about Sonic being so close that made a thief appear and steal all of her breath in a snagbag. Without a trace of sanity in her mind, she ordered in the voice of a fleet marine:

"Touch me."

"Huh?"

"Just do it. Touch me. Please."

The blue hedgehog's ear twitched. Then he blinked. Then he had a smug smirk forming itself on his face.

"Like this?" The next sensation coursing through Shadow's body spiraled into madness; feelings of good madness. It made her blood boil and her lungs a breathing machinery. Every vein in her body was pulsating and felt every sense disappear except for burning desire. It was the ultimate step; Shadow didn't want to believe he hadcrossed the line, to the next level, which is why her mind went boggling crazy, thinking of nothing except the want for more.

Because...

He had poked her forehead.

"Sweet Chaos...yes!" Shadow shouted, damn near orgasmic in tone. This urged Sonic to keep going; to keep poking her forehead with his forefinger as he watched her expressions closely. With each gasp, his grin got wider, soon as wide as the Nile. Before long he added a second and a third finger to the mix, which lead to expressions from Shadow so beyond every comprehension that you can't write it on paper. Only on blackboard. Pervs.

Outside Sonic's house, Tails was taking a stroll.

"Well, it's almost 2:30 AM, why not check what Sonic is up to?" He mused and went up to the door, but just as he was about to knock, he heard odd sounds.

"Yeah! Poke me! Poke me like you mean it! Come on, idiot! I want it there!"

"You want it there, you take it there, baby."

"Are you wack?! I don't have train tickets!"

Tails slowly backed away. "Jeepers, there must be some intense Monopoly playing in there. Oh well, at least they're not playing Scrabble, now that would be too far! Too soon to get to the next level, it is!" He laughed nervously. Then he looked around sneakily, tip-toeing away. "Well, I wonder where Cream is? I brought a Scra-breakfast! Breakfast to have with her, heh!" He excused and hid an obvious board game behind his back. But then he glared at the audience. "Well, aren't you nosy! Shoo! We have private lives too, you know! How can you be so impolite as to consider watching us playing it? Now, go back to what you were just reading instead, snooping buggers!"

Cut to Sonic again straddling a heavily breathing female Shadow as he poked her forehead with the best he got, on a bed, in the darkness, both wearing socks, I already forgot what Tails ranted about, and poptarts popstars.

But then, just like that, he stopped. The female hedgehog angrily sat up halfway.

"Where is that damn fourth finger?!"

But Sonic sat back on his knees, staring at the fur, wanting so badly to shave it, but as he said earlier, he's a gentlehog. He wouldn't come close to touching it unless he had her permission. What do you think he was, a Chinese butcher?

It didn't hurt to just look, though. Oh wait, it did; it hurt his chances to not be thrown out the bedroom.

"Hrmm...fine." Shadow crossed her arms, pouting. "If you don't feel like poking me, at least do the next best thing."

"What would that be?"

"Yeah well, I dunno...maybe...a-a kiss! Yes, give me a kiss...!" She sputtered on a whim, then thought the next moment why the hell she was asking to be kissed, by her rival, no less. Then she thought of giraffes.

Sonic was fast, maybe, but he wasn't blindly fast. He took notice of Shadow's odd, insecure maintenance after she asked, that she was pushing herself into the headboard. However, words were words, so he shook it off and crouched closer. Maybe she was a shy, and that was why she was backing away. How adorably cute.

'Giraffes are so scary! I never thought of that!' Was Shadow thinking as she backed away from the scary thought.

Shadow was brought back to reality when she felt two hands grab her cheeks, not seeing but knowing that Sonic was leaning in. It was at that point she instantly regretted her wish, but yeah, too late for that now. See, this is why you should always thoroughly think before making decisions. Otherwise people will be kissing you.

But what she awaited didn't come, or well, it sort of did, but not as she expected, no. He only pecked her on the cheek. At the surprise, Shadow's eyes popped open, trying to make out Sonic's unreadable expression. Heh...make out...pfff! The female hedgehog damned herself for feeling slightly disappointed.

"Well...I was sort of...expecting one on my...you know...lips." She instantly admitted, and she wondered why she had given herself the job to even think.

What followed was Sonic's look of utter disgust. Shadow caught it and waved her hands like 'just don't go there' with panic etched on her face.

"Wait, I mean those ON MY FACE!"

...

...

...

Pff.

"Yeah, so?" Sonic inquired, "That's what I thought. That's disgusting! Just...what are you thinking?!"

"What's so wrong with lip kissing?" Wow. That was not something you would expect Shadow to say, unless held at gun point. Wait, not even then...held at gun point with Nicki Minaj music on. That would do it.

"It's you in particular! If I kiss you, I will get all emo and stuff! I don't want to be stuff!"

"You're already stuff." All the talk about 'stuff' made Sonic a little...needy, so he threw himself onto the other. The black hedgie stared in shock at him as he smiled up at her slyly, head hovering over her midsection.

"I want you, and I'm gonna eat you." Shadow blushed madly, suspecting that he wasn't talking about food. Maybe chili dogs, but not food.

Sonic got a lightbulb and grabbed Shadow, carrying her bridal style, hungry like the wolf. Shadow squeaked in a girly fashion, attempting to dislodge herself from her rival, but to no a vale. With a heavy sigh, she slumped. However, her stomach was tingling, which lead to her tail going along by wagging. Sonic felt the wagging hit him and shivered.

"So..." Shadow spoke quietly, "Why not the bed?"

"'You'll see. And I hate to jump on the tail waggi- BANDWAGON! Bandwagon."

The female smirked Shadow-wise, finding his achilles heel. He was sensitive to her tail. If she could exploit it somehow, then she could manipulate him in future battles-

Then she realized what she just thought and that was the death of her grin, eyes widening farther than the Wall of China.

'Wait, why not now? I haven't even considered esca-'

No thought development took place because what took place instead was Sonic placing her in her place. The table with cat litter, and dirt it seemed, so maybe Blaze had gone by and done her business.

It all happened too fast, even for Shadow's standards. Perhaps she wasn't so fast after all...no way! That's only because Sonic was a cheetah ba-dum-pssh lol *snort*...okay, I'll get to the point.

See, Sonic was already looming over her lower abdomen, and that was when Shadow wasn't for once a whipped passivist so she shouted. "Get the hell off!" She pushed his head but swore she saw him grin. You know, that classic way. Have you even played the games? Of course you have. Then why would you be here otherwise? Do you like trolling the fans as much a I do?...*looks over at fans* Wait, I didn't mean that-

He trudged on, and she felt like crying. "Please, it's embarrassing...Don't look..." She plead, trying to make herself look cute to make it stop. Unfortunately, Shadow hadn't read enough junk to know that sort of thing would do the exact opposite effect.

"I'm sorry, Shads, but I just have to taste you." At that, she covered her eyes with her arm, prepared for the worst. She had actually done a lot of preparing today. She should assign for the government.

...She waited...

Waited...

Waited...

Warranted...

Waiter...

Wax in the ear...

...Welp, she had that. Is there a cotton swab around?

...Oh, right. Preparing for Sonic's intrusion. Focus.

...

...Why did nothing happen? Did she not focus enough?

"Dang it, where is the salt and pepper? I swear I brought them." Shadow heard Sonic say, an army of question marks invading her mind's base. And there were no reinforcements, ala an idea. What the heck Sonic was talking about.

Sonic was routing about in his convenient cartoony pockets of his fur, looking for said things. Luckily for him (not Shadow, got that?), he soon found them, held them up, looked at Shadow's thighs, and licked his lips. She was a prey, and he was on a huntdown after her. To be frank, the look of his normally competent, stoic rival wriggling and struggling with a depraved, desperate expression wasn't making him any more stuffed.

"Yum-eli-yum-yum!" Question marks kept raiding in Shadow's mind as she felt tickly feels on her thighs. Sonic was pouring on them, she assumed. But what? She broke her new policy of not looking by looking. And she badly wished she hadn't, because the worst part she got a free show of.

Sonic was licking her leg...intensively, holding her legs in place, putting all of his concentration into his taste buds.

"Oh...! Wie...?" The female couldn't decide between pain or pain. So she decided on neither, therefore pain. Nevertheless, her breaths came out in puffy clouds at the feeling.

Then he bit down. Hard. Teeth sinking into the pulpy consistency that was her rosy flesh coated in perspiration and exquisite complexity...also, ass.

"YAH!" Shadow yelled, pleasure coursing through her body. Yeah, masochism...old habits die hard. Not as hard as Habit Johnson down the street, though. Johnson...geddit? Yeah, me neither.

'Hmm. The flesh was oddly tough. Oh, come on! I haven't had dinner yet! Loose, already!' Sonic had his resolute facade by covering up that he was panicking on the inside, frantically gnawing. In the end, however, he succeeded in biting off a fair share of his meal; ripping away the flesh with his mouth.

"YIPPIE!" Shadow giggled uncontrollably, happy and satisfied, spasming in every nerve. Her eyes were misty. So, he had been talking about food after all. What a card!

With the power of author abilities, the flesh was magically replaced by new on Shadow's thigh, so she didn't have to worry about dirtying her recently bathed fur with any blood. Hey, she wasn't a communist and didn't want to be mistaken for one!

"Tasty", Sonic mumbled and licked his chops. It had been way better than divine ambrosia. Even wild boar. Shadow was a tasty one! He bet even Amy wasn't that delicious. Ugh, pink...she probably tasted like cotton candy! That's why he wasn't attracted to her.

"Now, it's your turn!" Sonic heard a feminine growl. It couldn't be anyone else than Shadow, because...his pet bird had just died. He was stamped like a postage stamp against the wood of the furniture as Shadow had that in-character, menacing, lion-like look that reminded him of who he had actually tasted.

"You're gonna get it! I'll show you my ultimate power, baby!" With that, Shadow brought out a convenient jar of sugar out of her back and poured all of the contents on his stomach, legs, arms, in short, all over him. The blue hedgehog coughed. When he could see, he blinked up.

"Why are you pouring some sugar on me?"

"Because I want to fire you up!" He didn't register anything before he heard the sound of a match and the flame came in contact with him. Holy cow. He burned more than hell.

"WHOAH! Stop burning me! It's too much! It's too hot! I'm gonna cream on you!"

"Then do it, you faker colt! Spray your whipping cream all over my body!"

"AHHH!" He screamed and did that; the can of whipping cream he was holding shook as his finger was pushing down on the button. Soon, he saw his ultimate (pun intended) fantasy; Shadow covered in his cream he had bought on the supermarket for 5 dollars, with an adorable look. It was way past cool.

"Let's get this show further on the road. Get inside of me." Shadow demanded.

"Yeah, sorry. I can't shrink myself."

"Then, how about some head?"

"Yeah, sorry twice. We're out of monkey heads and brains. We have straws, though."

"That's enough! Can't you at least, you know, talk dirty to me?"

"Uhh, sure. Garbage, trash cans, poop, and Justin Bieber."

"Hmmm...ah!" Shadow's ears twitched, and for the umpteenth time, her chest was going up and down, singalling her heavy breaths, and big size too, while we're at it.

That's it. He wasn't going to wait anymore. It didn't hurt to touch, and he was suffering from the inside. So naturally, he asked.

"Shadow, can I touch your fur?" He anticipatingly awaited an answer, feeling so impatient he might as well have reached through her throat, grabbed her vocal cord and screamed at it.

Shadow smiled shyly, doing the motion that would make her tail wag, but since she was pressed to the friction of the table, it did not occur.

"Yes," Sonic didn't think he heard right, "Go ahead."

A bomb set off inside him and his fingers were instantly on the silky smooth fur. Squealing, he took some and rubbed it against his cheek, flush against her.

"Puff, puff."

"Hmm..." She smiled satisfactory.

Suddenly, Sonic flinched away, staring at her chest in detestation, mouth agape.

"Eww! I touched your breast!"

Shadow chaos slapped him into the wall.

* * *

Soon it was morning, in which Sonic offered some breakfast to Shadow, which consisted of chili dogs. That didn't mean they were on perfect terms, however, since Sonic had some complaints.

"Why did you shake me all night long? I still got concussions."

"Well, you didn't have to rock me like a hurricane. It gave me temporary amnesia...in my amnesia." Shadow argued, arms locked in a determined manner, glaring at her rival.

"Alright. Let's just say we shook and rocked each other like a hurricane all night long and leave it." Sonic compromised.

"Hrmm. Fine." Shadow mumbled.

Holy mackerel crap. They had actually done all that last night...with each other. Had they been on meth? No, she couldn't recall any of that. What had they been doing...?

Her eyes widened when Sonic came up to her, tilting her chin upwards with his forefinger. Her cheeks turned redder than the communist manifesto, further so when Sonic interlaced their gloved hands.

"We did some really crazy things, didn't we?"

"I thought the exact same thing. You're crazy."

"Yeah, I guess I am", he smiled at her, "About you."

'Huh?' Shadow stared, very sure that the colors in her cheeks did what they did.

"Yeah, Bananahammockarse. I like you." He stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, "I like your brash behaviour, and no-nonsense method of handling situations. It's...prepossessing."

Shadow didn't know what to say. But she suspected that he wasn't the only one feeling that way, which was all odd. The only crush she had had beforehand was Hannibal Lecter, but now...It said something when her stomach went insane upon seeing him. It was just that she had thought it was the hot dog she had always eaten the day before. Yeah, she had eaten hot dogs before meeting Sonic the next day. Hah. *pig snort laugh*

"So, I want to say..." He pulled her close, surprising her, "I want to do _that_ with you."

"Tha-th-that...t-t-t-that?" Shadow quacked, embarrassed to the point of...well, being the most embarrassed.

"Yeah, that. The next level." He grinned, "Whataya say?"

Shadow thought for a bit. She hadn't done it in 50 years of her life...was the time really here and now? With this blue hedgehog she thought annoying? She was unsure...

"I'm..." She pushed him back gently, "I'm...not ready for the next level yet." In several senses, since she didn't have enough experience points.

'OH COME ON! 50-FUCKING-YEARS. 50-SHADES-OF-YEARS. IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! NOT READY, MY BUTTHOLE!' Sonic thought but held up his kind posture.

"I understand. Just know, that I love you, and only you. I was planning on only ever doing it with you, but...I can't force it. Just tell me if you change your mind." He said understanding, patting her head. What he didn't know was that his words had touched her heart more gently than a rose's thorn, so she grabbed his wrist just as he walked away.

"Wait, faker! I mean, Sonic." She raked her fingers along her face, shy to admit. "I...I want...I mean..."

She was interrupted when Sonic took her hands and planted a loving kiss on her mouth. She melted into it and relaxed, knowing that Sonic was going to protect her forever. Just...when he wasn't around to defend her, she had to make sure to transform into the male Shadow everyone knew and loved...or not. He's a base breaker nowadays.

He put his forehead against hers, catching their breath.

"You said you didn't want to be stuff?" Shadow asked.

"I guess I'll have to put up with it." He teased.

They were silent for a moment.

"L-Let's do it." Shadow stuttered, nervously.

He smirked. "Alright."

~(8)8(8) **Later** (8)8(8)~

"You do like long things, don't you, Shadow?" Sonic smugly asked, giving her a wink.

"Y-yeah, it's embarrassing, but I really like long things." She looked down, beet red. "But not normally, because...well, you know..."

She slammed the letters onto the board.

"Because I'm beating your ass! Ha! see, I put 'Hybristophilia', earning 300 points! I win!" Shadow quipped and did a victory dance.

'Damn, she's good', Sonic thought and hid his face in his palm. Maybe they shouldn't have taken it to the next level after all. It was humiliating him.

"Haha! I beat you! I beat you!" She chanted, suddenly wearing cheerleading clothes, waving her pom-poms around in glee. Sonic was "this" close, an atom close, to actually giving her a whip spanking, which had lost it's innocent meaning since 60 years back. Wait a sec, it wasn't even innocent then.

"WILL YOU TWO KEEP IT DOWN!" They heard someone shout all of a sudden, who's voice they instantly recognized as Knuckles, Shadow jumping off the table in surprise, "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES TRYING TO PLAY SCRABBLE HERE! I'M ALMOST BEATING ROUGE AND YOU'RE BREAKING MY CONCENTRATION WITH YOUR SHIT! SO...everyone on YouTube has heard me say this...SHUT UP!"

"Knux, hon, 'Conticate' is not a word, and even if it was, what would it mean?" They heard Rouge's teasing voice.

"It would mean 'beat every bat-ass into the underground'!"

Sonic and Shadow looked at each other, not interested in listening in anymore.

"So...another round?" Sonic asked, sorting the letters randomly.

"Would I?!" Shadow cried eagerly.

"Yeah," he faded suggestively, "And then we'll have...'dessert'." He drew circles on the board.

She smirked back, "You mean?", giving him a 'oh, you' look, leaning forward in a fashion only a girl could, wagging her tail again.

"Yeah..." Sonic yeah-ed, hands in the air. "Ice-cream!"

"Yay!" Shadow screamed happily. "To the ice-cream-mobile!"

* * *

 **THE END**

* * *

 **A/N: XD**

 **I know you have dozens of questions, I can see it in your eyes. With clairvoyance.**

 **Okay, a confession has to be made. I had a period when I couldn't stop looking at Rule 34, I admit it. It was of many different fandoms, but most of the art came from the Sonic franchise. I'm scarred, by the way. However, this is not the case anymore, because, frankly, I'm sick of seeing penises everywhere, so I quit, not that it's a loss or anything.**

 **At any rate, I've never seen someone be such a common victim of Rule 63 (Gender Reversal) like Shadow is. I mean, yeah, I've seen lots of pics with Sonic or Silver as female, but not as often as Shadow. And then it hit me; Shadow is actually _very_ fitting as a lady. So in retrospect, it's no surprise at all!**

 **Note also that a lot of not-so-clean songs inspired many lines. You know which ones ;)**

 **The fanfic was meant to make fun of Rule 34 in general also, not the Sonic fandom specifically. I hope it was more funny than arousing, but if it where both...then, more power to you. It was meant to be comedic nevertheless.**

 **What's my stance on the Sonic franchise? I like some of the games, and I'm fond of the characters. That's all. Don't read too much into it.**

 **The working title for this fanfic was actually "Dumb and Dumber Tre". No, don't ask, I don't know myself. I decided to not name it such because it was misleading; there weren't enough fart jokes in this.**

 **Flames are welcome. Toodles, poodles!**


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